Back On Track

You’ve got everything you need
to be perfect right now;
all you have to do
is stop telling yourself
you’re not.
– Mark Anthony

These few days I feel like I’m slowly getting back on track with my life. Gone were the days where I was consumed with self-doubt and depreciating thoughts.

I have a stable job.
I have a stable income.
I’m able to support myself financially on the basic necessities and still give my parents some monthly allowance. (thankful to my parents for still pampering me with certain things tho)

I’m gradually being taught more duties at work, slowly learning the ropes and taking over while my colleague takes her well-deserved break for a week.
I’m embracing new knowledge at work through my 1 hour induction lessons every Wed. Studying as much as I can, while I can, after ‘not using’ my brain for over more than a year.

I’m still not done with my 6S project at work, but I’m working on it.

Come September I’ll have to take on more workload when the part-time school schedule commences. I’ll probably need to sacrifice on certain things. My sweet and generous mother offered to fully support my school fees so that I can study part-time and work at the same time without worrying about the money. But I’m still gonna stick to my original plan of paying by myself as much as I can. Studying part-time was a choice, which is why I have to be determined to at least do better than just a pass. I hope I remember that when things get tough.

I’ll survive thanks to a certain friend who inspired me. Of course, life is not all rainbows and glitter. I’ll probably hit a roadblock once school starts but I’m learning to keep an open mind and not stress out on things that aren’t even there yet.

Until then, I’ll look forward to my Korea trip in August. (SO SO EXCITED!!)

Baby steps. 
Be brave. Be genuine. Be kind to yourself. 

 

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Taking A Pause

Love — no, it wasn’t even love yet. People say falling in love is easy, it’s staying in love that’s hard. But to me, the notion of being able to fall in love already seems hard enough on its own. Am I too used to being satisfied and independent on my own?

Looking at couples holding hands along the street and adorable pictures of them on instagram does make me all gooey eyed and shit. But it seems impossible to find an emotional connection with someone new that’s enough for me to fall into them.

I’ve learned that envisioning a future together and dreaming about meeting each others’ parents with the person you’re dating may not necessarily mean that you’ll stay together and end up with a happily ever after.

During my poly days, I took a course about relationships and dating. At that time, I didn’t understand why the lecturer had advised us to date casually a minimum of 5 times or so before committing into a serious relationship. Well I guess i know why now. And I guess I’m more aware of what traits I won’t be able to compromise in a person.

Sure a relationship goes 2ways and there are bound to be disagreements and compromise, but i never want to doubt my/his feelings ever again. There are other things that i won’t elaborate on and i’m not saying i’m totally perfect, because i have my flaws too. But an immature relationship where we unintentionally play flirtatious guessing games, and on top of that, a sprinkle of pessimism, is a really mind-draining and stagnant process which I do not want to repeat.

Hence I’ve sworn off relationships at the moment and i’ll enjoy my 20-s to the fullest till the next guy that makes my heart skip a beat (cliche i know) comes around (pls be handsome LOL).

Good night.

Life Is Full Of Surprises

Hi guys.  (my apologies for the previous string of depressing posts)

Just a short update. I’ve been feeling more on the bright side lately although I’ve been sick for quite some time (the irony), well, so that’s a plus.

I’ve been chatting up an old friend lately, hence the title. Am still not sure what these feelings evoked from the past few days mean but whether its something more or whether its just nothing but a new thrill, I’m looking forward to finding out.

I think it’s time to stop over analyzing things and just go with the flow. I kinda still believe in fate. So what is meant to be will happen eventually. Yes? 🙂

Goodnight.