It’s Sunday again and the weeks seem to go by faster as time passes. My parents aren’t going to be home the entire day and i’m elated to have this solitude for myself to recharge as i type this.
I’m sorry to my blog because i always seem to only be here whenever i’m feeling down. It kinda makes my entire blog a really depressed and gloomy space, i know.
The past few weeks had been hell for my own emotional state, although i rarely show it or even voice it out. I sorta kept everything to myself and the dam finally broke last week.
The terrible, horrid truth was that I had felt worthless. I’m not talking in terms of parents being there because I know they love me. I felt like i wasn’t worthy of anyone’s time. That i’m never a priority, that i’m always the one asking to meet and seemingly making myself look like i’m desperate for company. The worst is being rejected by the same people and yet they are able to make time for others. Am i not worth your time and company? I am lonely, and i was losing faith in people who was once my world. I understood the ‘i will always be there for you’ lines, but i began to question it. I may exaggerate a bit, but honestly this was how i felt.
What makes me think that I will be able to find everlasting connection with new strangers when even once closest friends can’t?
Our worlds change as we get older. Sometimes i just feel lonely, sometimes i’m glad to be alone. At the moment, i’m feeling alright.