At The Back Of A Train

Days when i dont feel my best, when im drowning in silence at work, are days when those unbidden memories come creeping back – today.

Everyone has bad days though. Unfortunately, I belong to the group of people who would criticise themselves and question their own selfworth. Are a few old memories worth dousing our fire just because of a moment’s weakness? Certainly not..

Im not putting it lightly when i once said that I might have developed trust issues ever since then. I don’t know if im that nice girl who works office hours everyday helping people or the one who yearns to party and drink all night. 

Do i want that wild side because part of me wants to have fun? Or am i just trying to prove a point? That right now im ‘being a little more badass’ like what youve once asked for. That i can change; be someone else for just a few hours.

I know im worth more than a few drunken nights, but i want it yet again. It’s quite shitty to know that a few sentences could in fact eat into me that much, albeit subconsciously, but it’s going to take so much more than awhile to rid myself of that piece of glass.

Sometimes i feel like im just sitting at the end of the train.

(Midnight thoughts. Dont mind me. I’ll be better when i wake up)

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