Taking A Pause

Love — no, it wasn’t even love yet. People say falling in love is easy, it’s staying in love that’s hard. But to me, the notion of being able to fall in love already seems hard enough on its own. Am I too used to being satisfied and independent on my own?

Looking at couples holding hands along the street and adorable pictures of them on instagram does make me all gooey eyed and shit. But it seems impossible to find an emotional connection with someone new that’s enough for me to fall into them.

I’ve learned that envisioning a future together and dreaming about meeting each others’ parents with the person you’re dating may not necessarily mean that you’ll stay together and end up with a happily ever after.

During my poly days, I took a course about relationships and dating. At that time, I didn’t understand why the lecturer had advised us to date casually a minimum of 5 times or so before committing into a serious relationship. Well I guess i know why now. And I guess I’m more aware of what traits I won’t be able to compromise in a person.

Sure a relationship goes 2ways and there are bound to be disagreements and compromise, but i never want to doubt my/his feelings ever again. There are other things that i won’t elaborate on and i’m not saying i’m totally perfect, because i have my flaws too. But an immature relationship where we unintentionally play flirtatious guessing games, and on top of that, a sprinkle of pessimism, is a really mind-draining and stagnant process which I do not want to repeat.

Hence I’ve sworn off relationships at the moment and i’ll enjoy my 20-s to the fullest till the next guy that makes my heart skip a beat (cliche i know) comes around (pls be handsome LOL).

Good night.

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