Now playing: Faded by Alan Walker //
I’m not sure just how long this has been lingering at the back of my mind. Let’s just say I’ve finally opened my eyes and accept the reality that I’ve been pushing aside. Yes I know I have lots of mind over-thinking issues. Do stop at this point if you hate reading vulgarities and drama.
I’ve finally accepted that I may or may not have made the best decisions in Poly. I won’t regret the people I’ve met and hung out with, because honestly, they may not have influenced me in the most positive ways, but I’m utterly grateful for having these wierdos through tough times. But I did in fact, could have been more determined as well as having proper mentality during school days, which I obviously did not. Throughout all my schooling, I’ve always aimed for something, apparently those goals died in NP. (hahaha) Of course, thinking of all these now won’t help at all. I keep telling myself getting a fucking piece of paper to obtain better job position isn’t the only way to happiness and ‘success’. But at this point of my life, I can only think that I may have let my future self down.
For the weary, battered souls.
I’ve finally understood why the kindest, strongest, most deserving people have such low views and possibly little self confidence, in themselves. It’s awfully saddening to know that the one thing in common is that they come from ‘not-so-perfect’ families. Parents who bring their kids down instead of up. Parents who don’t express or even give an ounce of love. I know there are broken families out there, I’m not that naive. I admit that most of the time my mind is somewhere in the clouds, painting the perfect picture of happy families and loving couples. Probably why I’m so affected by the recent turn of events at home.
I don’t think i’ll ever feel the same way again. I don’t think i’ll open up as much anymore. When the one person who’s supposed to forgive and love doesn’t, and instead throws sarcastic remarks around as if i’m just a stranger, well it motherfucking hurts. Maybe in a few weeks it’ll pass, but that doesn’t matter because damage is done. Words have the power to destroy bonds in just a second. It may be said in a fit of anger, but nothing cancels that damage without something as simple as an apology.
Best thing is when the parents become as grumpy and petty as kids, and you didn’t even do a single thing wrong.
To my precious friends and readers, I hope that you’ll find people who will appreciate and deserve you wholly for the sweet, passionate soul that you are.
And to shameless people who don’t possess even a pinch of sincerity, please fuck off.