Hard Pressure

Considering that I’m on a one week no-work break and I’m even flying to Cambodia tomorrow, I should be feeling pretty great right?!

Sadly, i’m not ūüė¶

I’m feeling very stressed and fcuked up. I haven’t told anyone what I’m thinking, not even my parents, because I’m so afraid that what I fear will come through if I did.

So I’ve submitted my job application because this wait for whateverfkinglongpaperworktobeapprovedbyhigherups shit is taking too damn long. And I don’t know if they think I’m just threatening them or what? But FINALLY deciding to ‘push for me’ now that I said that I’m not gonna wait, when they could’ve pushed much earlier, really feels like they’re just taking advantage of my temp status. I have no idea what they want me to feel now that they’ve mentioned ‘to approve 1 manpower first before the higher levels finally approve. Which means by next month she would have the answer of whether you will become a perm staff’

Are they expecting me to feel happy? Grateful? The fact that they only start pushing now just because I’ve said I’m not waiting anymore makes me wanna leave, because it feels so manipulating. Of course, I’ll accept the job if i’m someone who’s only looking for a stable job and salary. But for me, when I’ve already decided¬†my next course of action, I’m really¬†gonna do it, and I’ve decided that I want something more enriching than this.

Now I’m just worried that if the perm status is approved before I get hired, will they make me feel obligated to stay¬†just because¬†they’ve already validated ($$$) me? :/ Will I get blacklisted if I decide not to?

Urgh, I’m supposed to be on holiday. Fcuking text message.

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