Cracks

First off, super thankful for A and B’s presence, wouldn’t have made it today without them.

My parents will be in Cambodia for the next 4 days, which means the whole house to myself – yay?..

I can almost understand why my parents didn’t want me doing today’s agenda when they’re not around. They really know me too well, that I’d always want to blabber/rant about the day’s stuff whenever I’ve reached home, and I love them for that. But they aren’t here right now, which means more blog post for you all. 🙂

However you’re just going to be reading a depressing post. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

That issue doesn’t bother me anymore. But aren’t we just pretending that we’re all alright? That nothing has changed? Today has me exhausted both mentally and physically. It’s done, it happened, there’s nothing else to talk about. But there’s always this nagging reminder at the back, that I was cast aside. I try to be the better person by being open-minded and trying to let it go. But if I do, it just feels like I’m letting myself down, like i’m not standing up for myself, like I’m giving you free rein to stab me a million times and still forgive you for it. I’m stuck in this repeating cycle of meaningless mental debates for naught.

Because after all that’s happened, what’s there to stand up for?

There’s nothing to achieve. It’s a bitter pill to swallow.

Gulf. It’s a deep, dark, hollow abyss between two lands. Throw in some cement to cover it up and it’ll look perfect, almost. Through time, cracks appear once more, and we try covering it up again – some workers gave up, some persists, some just need a break. Fine lines in the cement get distorted and perfection turns into nothing more but a facade. Whether flora and fauna might fill this missing land someday, time will tell.

‘When one doesn’t appreciate you, move on and love yourself more. When you love yourself, people will love you.’

 

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One thought on “Cracks

  1. Maybe you can look at it from another perspective: Instead of thinking you let yourself down for not forgiving them, take it as you’re doing yourself a big favour by moving on and showing them that you’re a much bigger person compared to them. I know you can pull through. (:

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