Inner Demons

My own troubles are starting to bother me, till the point where I don’t really like who I am now. I don’t mean I dislike everything about me, I just dislike the person I’m starting to be when it comes to studies; that angsty, super irritated whiny bitch that I’ll be when I face problems regarding studies.

When I was younger and schooling, I used to encounter some particular students that annoyed me a lot. Those that complained a lot about schoolwork, complained about how they couldn’t get it done in time, complained about how they can’t get started on it. And I always used to think this – If you can’t get it done in time why can’t you start working on it sooner? Did you really try to get it done? Then why didn’t you start on it earlier?

Yea, I had these thoughts. Honestly speaking those were the kind of attitude I couldn’t really stand. Because all that whining and negativity seriously ain’t my cup of tea. But when it comes to my friends i’d try to help them of course.

But then as you might have already guessed, gradually I moved on to my final year in poly and I finally understood that attitude. It’s not like I don’t wanna get my work done. I just can’t. My brain can’t. Even when I tried to sit down and start on my work, I can’t come up with anything. And then I start dragging my work, on and on till the deadline which makes me even more stressed out. I even had this desire of planning more stuff and going out just so I can escape doing work. And then I start the whole whining process to my other friends which I know might be annoying to them too. I know, I know very clearly that I’m doing something that I’ve always hated.

But I can’t help it. I didn’t expect myself to be like this and that’s kinda disappointing.

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